(no subject)
keani side
keani_dog
A good friend of mine wrote an article for the Onion. Please read and heed.

Stop Anthropomorphizing Me

Feel free to share

Folling my pet.
keani side
keani_dog
yip yip ye all!

Well im back at home again. Its been a long week for me. I was at the room again... (smallest house in the world) and my pet decided that it would be fun to walk to work every morning. Two and a half miles at 5 in the morning instead of driving in a nice warm car, fun stuff!

This kinda pissed me off so for no good reason I have been ignoring his commands. Not all of them, just enough to make him mad. Serves him right.

Well Friday night just when I thought I would be locked in the house for good. (I tore up the trash again) he takes me up to see my very dear friend Bosch. Yay!!!

There was allot of humans up there. And at first they all wanted to play with me, I got my ear scratched and they threw the ball whenever I wanted them too. (its funny as fuck, did you know that if you drop a ball on a humans foot they will stop whatever they are doing and pick it up, no matter how slobbery and throw it away. I can do that to them forever)

Then of course what usually happens, the humans get all jealous of my lovely fur and start dressing up like animals..... Pathetic.

And its not so bad that they want to look like us, they actually start doing things that we do, Sniffing each others butholes and licking each others crotches. And they do it without Peanut butter! gross!

Well for most of the night me and Bosch continue to play and the humans continue to do whatever the fuck their doing. They become so ingrossed with licking each other that they don't even want to throw the ball anymore.

My pet of course was no better, he needs a hobby.

Sometime during the night I came down wrong on my left hind leg and now im limping, but it does seem better this morning.

(no subject)
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keani_dog
Well its birthday number 3 for me.

For some reason my pets puppies thought it would be cute to put a stupid birthday hat on me. What the hell is up with you humans?

Well anyhow its nice to be 3. That leaves me about 12 years or so to live. That is if I dont get hit by some jackass driver eating a Taco.

Ummmmmmm...Tacos.

A dogs complaint
keani side
keani_dog
Look I really dont mind coming up with my pet to where he works. I dont mind having to wait out in a cold doghouse while he works. It doesnt bother me to have to share a room with a human who snores, farts, hogs the bed and tends to forget that I need to take a piss every now and then.

But I think I will have to draw the fucking line at using my collar as bondage gear.

Look pet, My life is simple, I own very few things. A food bowl, a Frisbee, about twenty tennis balls, and my collar. I really don't give a shit that none of the other collars fit you. Its my collar!

Now my collar is going to reek like human sex for a week.

The stupidest pet on earth.
keani side
keani_dog
I love my Human, I really do. But Dog damn he's stupid sometimes. He knows I need to go out at 7:00pm. He knows I don't have any thumbs so I cant let myself out. So what does he do? falls asleep on the bed at 6:30 and doesn't wake up until 3:00am. Meanwhile I'm doing the Mexican hat dance all damn night. Then when he does take me out its raining so hard that I cant get a scent and have to pee just anywhere.

Maybe I can trade him in for a nice Canadian breed. I hear there smarter.

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keani_dog
rain rain rain. Being at my pets job site isnt so bad, he built me a dog house that's fit for a...well ..Dog. But this rain.

Rain really kills all the smells ya know. My favorite place to pee is raccoon scent, but with all this rain I will be lucky if I can smell a fanboy after a weekend convention (that's right I have been to FC so don't tell me I don't know what stinky is) Speaking of Furry conventions, humans please, when I come up to you its not polite for the first thing you do is to check for my nutsack. I know its missing so dont rub it in.

I forgot to tell you I did have a nice Sunday. My pet took me to the Castro and we walked around for a bit. I actually got to sniff a Pugs ass! yea! that's like champagne to a dog. Most of the time we just sat in bars. I dont mind that but all the other humans want to stroke me. I dont mind that so much but one of them tried to slip me his number! Sicko! Besides, Hey stupid, No thumbs!

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keani_dog
Hello humans.

This is my first entry typed by my ever faithful but somewhat irritable pet. i know its not normal for Dogs to communicate with there pets but I figure its ether that or continue to let my owner slander me on his own LJ.

For the record I am in fact a full blooded English Labrador. I come from a good family, my Dad, Randy, and my mother Golden, lived in a place called Dusty's Labradors in Placerville. My pet has often said that my last pets I had where kind humans, this is in fact, bullshit. I am lacking one set of testicles to prove it.

Many of you pets think that you would get use to them being gone...... Try it sometime ok? Have you ever seen a dog constantly licking himself down there even after his balls are gone? I do it as well hoping the damn things will grow back.

I love my new owner, even though he sometimes tends to be an ass. He still try's to do whats best for me. He needs to understand that things are a little different 18 inches off the ground. And the Smells! god the Smells all around you are incredible. So if it seems like im a little distracted its not hard to figure out why.

I do have my problems, Im not trying to make you think Im Dogs gift to humans. I have this little addiction to "Fetch" Nothing I cant handle. And of course Water. Now there's nothing unholy about wanting to always be in water. And believe me, with my smell some of you humans could greatly benifit from such a thing.

Well I need to eat and pee. Then my pet drags me off to work with him. Its very boring but then the entire place is littled with sticks and waterbottles, and that makes my day better.

Woof!

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